Emotional care during the holidays: Tips and perspectives for clinicians and the communities we serve

As the year draws to a close, emotions can gather in unexpected ways—what matters is how we recognise them, make space for them, and care for ourselves and others through them.

In this month’s issue of Cairnmillar Insights, Theo Naidoo, Deputy Director of Clinical Services at Cairnmillar shares a reflective piece on end-of-year emotional wellbeing-to support clinicians and the communities we serve to find steadiness and compassion during a season that holds both joy and complexity.

 

Finding steadiness, compassion, and clarity in a season that brings both joy and complexity.

There’s something about the last few weeks of the year that brings things into sharper focus. It’s as if the festive season shines a spotlight on the parts of our lives that are filled with love, meaning and excitement, as well as those that feel tender, complicated, or unresolved. For many, this time of year holds an intricate and unique mix of hope and hurt, joy and heaviness. As clinicians, we’re not immune to this. While we hold space for clients navigating their own emotional landscapes, we’re simultaneously managing our own inner worlds, expectations, family dynamics, and end-of-year demands – often at a time when our capacity might be stretched thin too.

The tips that follow are offered with this shared reality in mind. They aim to support therapists and the people we work with to stay grounded and connected to what truly matters, even when the holidays begin to feel heavy.

 

1. Acknowledge What This Time of Year Brings Up:

The rhythms and rituals of this time of year can pull old emotions to the surface – reminders of how we grew up, what we long for, the roles we slip back into, or the people we’re missing.

Simply noticing what’s showing up, without judging it, trying to change it, or forcing yourself to “feel festive,” can take the edge off and give us a bit more room to breathe.

 

2. Let Go of the Idea That You’re Meant to Feel a Certain Way

There’s a quiet pressure in the air at this time of year – the sense that we should be joyful, grateful, energetic. But our emotional lives are more complex than that. You can feel excited and overwhelmed. Connected and exhausted. Deeply grateful and quietly grieving. These combinations aren’t contradictions – they’re human.

Letting go of the idea that you’re meant to feel a certain way creates space for relief – and for a kinder, more honest relationship with yourself.

 

3. Reconnect With Your Values

When plans get messy, family dynamics flare up, or fatigue sets in, our values can help us come back to what actually matters. Instead of striving for a flawless holiday, try asking:

  • What do I want this season to be about for me?
  • How do I want to show up – for myself and others?
  • What small choices reflect those values?

When we reconnect with values, the gap between expectation and reality feels smaller. It becomes less about “doing the holiday right” and more about choosing what feels right.

 

4. Build a “Resilience Toolkit”

Much like the relative who turns up for Christmas lunch before you’ve even had your morning coffee, overwhelm has a way of arriving quickly and unexpectedly over the festive season. While it won’t improve Uncle Roger’s poor timing, having a few tools for when emotions run high or the day feels too full can make a difference:

  • Use your body to settle emotions – splash cool water on your face, shake out your arms, take slow long exhales, or tense and release your muscles to help your system calm down.
  • Pause before reacting – stop for a moment, breathe, notice what’s going on, step back mentally, and then choose what you want to do next instead of acting on autopilot.
  • Soothe yourself – look around the room, feel something with texture, use a scent you like, listen to a calming sound, or move your body to bring yourself back into the present.
  • Practise acceptance – recognise the parts of the season that are stressful or out of your hands and give yourself permission to respond to what’s happening instead of fighting it.

 

5. Prepare for Relationship Hotspots

Sometimes, we can almost predict the interactions that are likely to throw us off balance – the cousin with the intrusive questions, the parent who comments on appearance or career, or the old family pattern that snaps back into place the moment everyone’s in the same room. Practising phrases, deciding what you’re willing to engage with, and having an exit strategy can help you stay connected to your values rather than getting swept up in old dynamics. Ask yourself:

  • Which conversations tend to go sideways?
  • What boundaries would genuinely support me?
  • Which responses feel most aligned with the person I want to be?

 

6. Create Trauma-Safe and Neurodiversity-Friendly Plans for Events

The holidays can be an especially activating time. Sensory overload, crowded environments, unpredictable routines, and relational pressures can all place extra demand on the nervous system. Incorporating your sensory limits, triggers, and regulation needs into a plan can make events feel safer and more manageable.

 

Consider:

  • Identifying a quiet, low-stimulus space to step away when needed
  • Using grounding or regulation practices before, during, and after events • Checking in with a support person or having a prearranged signal for breaks
  • Planning transport or an exit strategy that gives you freedom to come and go
  • Setting sensory boundaries (earplugs, sunglasses, comfort items, limiting time in high-stimulus spaces)
  • Giving yourself permission to leave early, participate partially, or opt out entirely

 

7. Honour Grief and Change

Grief doesn’t take time off for the holidays. If anything, this season can make absence feel louder – the person who isn’t at the table, the relationship that ended, the family structure that’s shifted, or the realisation that life simply looks different now.

Small, intentional rituals (e.g., lighting a candle, sharing a specific memory or photo, or taking a moment for quiet reflection) can help us sit with grief instead of pushing it aside – creating space for love and loss to coexist, without forcing everything into one tidy emotional state.

 

8. Protect Your Emotional Energy With Micro-Boundaries

Boundaries are not about restriction; they’re about energy stewardship. They’re a way of caring for yourself so you can show up in ways that feel sustainable and true. They don’t need to be big or dramatic, and often, it’s the small, quiet ones that have the biggest impact – especially for people who tend to overextend themselves or feel guilty for needing limits.

 

Examples might look like:

  • Leaving an event an hour earlier
  • Saying no to one extra commitment
  • Protecting pockets of genuine downtime
  • Being intentional about where your emotional energy goes

 

9. Notice Moments of Connection

Rather than searching for perfect, cinematic connection, pay attention to the micro-moments: a warm conversation, shared humour, a brief moment of being really understood. These small threads of connection are what actually ground and nourish us.

 

10. Prioritise Restorative Practices

Rest isn’t indulgent; it’s protective, and it’s part of resilience. By December, most people are running on thin reserves. Building in moments of restoration helps the nervous system reset and makes everything else more manageable.

 

Consider:

  • Time outside
  • Digital pauses
  • Gentle movement
  • Creative play
  • Saying, “I’ll come back to this in the new year”

 

Final Thoughts

This time of year, tends to magnify whatever we’re already carrying – the good, the complicated, and everything in between. Emotional resilience doesn’t mean being unmoved by it all; it means staying connected to yourself while the world gets a little louder. So, if this season brings joy, let yourself receive it. If it brings grief, irritation, or exhaustion, meet them with the same respect and compassion. And for those holding space for others, remember to leave some room at the table for your needs and emotions too.

 

Stay safe, and on behalf of the Cairnmillar Institute, wishing you a festive season that gives you what you need.

 

About Theo Naidoo – Theo Naidoo is a registered Clinical Psychologist and Deputy Director of Clinical Services at The Cairnmillar Institute. Driven by a genuine desire to help people live the lives they want, he brings a grounded, compassionate, and evidence-based approach emphasising authenticity, collaboration, and meaningful change. With over a decade of experience across clinical, research, training, and leadership roles, Theo supports individuals (12+), couples, and families, focusing on wellbeing, resilience, and relationship health. His clinical expertise includes depression, anxiety, trauma, stress, adjustment, identity issues, self-worth, parenting, and relationships. He has facilitated group programs, lectured and tutored, provided consultancy, and his research interests include the psychological factors influencing relationship functioning and wellbeing. Theo is registered with AHPRA and a member of several professional organisations, including the Australian Psychological Society, ANZACBS, IAAP, ANZAPPL, and ASTSS.

 

About The Cairnmillar Institute: Established over 60 years ago, The Cairnmillar Institute (CMI) is a not-for-profit organisation solely focused on advancing better mental health through education, research, and treatment in psychology, counselling and psychotherapy.

 

If you or someone you know could benefit from extra support, Cairnmillar Institute Clinic is committed to making a positive impact on the lives of individuals, families, and communities by providing innovative and accessible mental health care. Our clinic also offers free or low-cost counselling to carers and has a variety of practitioners available for appointments across our 4 sites. Click here to request an appointment.

Please note: Our clinics will be closed from 25 December 2025 to 4 January 2026. We reopen on Monday, 5 January 2026. If you or someone you know need immediate support during this period, please reach out to the following helplines:

24/7 Support- Crisis, Immediate & Mental Health Support Numbers (Australia)- (Available Every Day, Holidays Included)

  • Emergency Services – 000
  • Lifeline – 13 11 14
  • SuicideLine Victoria – 1300 651 251
  • MensLine Australia – 1300 789 978
  • Kids Helpline – 1800 551 800
  • Safe Steps – 1800 015 188
  • 13YARN – 13 92 76
  • Beyond Blue – 1300 224 636
  • Sexual Assault Crisis Line – 1800 806 292