When Your Kids Won’t Go To School
By Anita Gupta
Senior Psychologist, Child and Family Lead
Do your kids refuse to go to School?
Most kids want to skip a day of school sometimes. Maybe they’re tired or want to avoid something at school. For other kids, getting to school is hard every day. This has gotten a lot trickier since COVID-19 entered our lives – we had long periods at home, and it was hard for some kids to settle back in; and concerns about infecting others or being infected with COVID have stalked our days even after the kids were back to face-to-face learning.
Reluctance to attend school, or not attending due to distress (school refusal) is incredibly stressful and challenging for both the child and their parents. Children who miss a lot of school can fall behind in their learning and also their social development. And parents can sometimes struggle to maintain employment if this becomes an ongoing issue. The good news is that when the family and school work together, it is possible to overcome school refusal.
What causes school refusal in Children?
There are many different reasons that kids find it hard to go to school. Some are anxious about school. This may be due to social issues (such as bullying), learning difficulties or finding the sensory environment of school difficult, for example. Other children might be anxious about the separation from their family. Once kids have missed a chunk of school, returning can be daunting as they may be behind in their schoolwork and out of the loop socially.
Supporting a young person to return to school.
Taking action early is important. Here are some ideas that may be helpful:
1. Talk to your child about what is making them reluctant to attend.
Open questions such as “who do you like to play with?”, “what is your teacher like?”, “what do you do at playtime?” can give you a sense of what their world is like at school, what they enjoy, and what they are struggling with. If they are reluctant to speak, you might find there are some situations that make it easier – e.g. in the car, or when walking home. You might be able to help them with anxious feelings by tuning into their emotions and validating them (e.g. “That sounds tough”, “Sounds like you’re feeling nervous about that”). You might also be able to help them with problem solving with the particular concern they have.
2. Speak to the school
If your child is reluctant to attend school, speak to your child’s teacher. They may have insights into what the child is experiencing in the playground or classroom that might be contributing to the issue. It’s ideal for you and the teacher to work together to understand what is making your child reluctant to attend, and to work on addressing these issues. If there is a student wellbeing staff member, they may also be involved.
3. Be clear that going to school daily is the goal.
Unfortunately, the more school that kids miss, the more they slip behind in their learning, and it can also affect their friendships. While school attendance may not be occurring daily, it is important for the child to know that is what you are working towards.
Seeing a child and adolescent psychologist
If your child is still distressed and reluctant to attend school, seek help from a psychologist with experience working with children. It’s also usually worth seeing a Paediatrician to rule out medical issues. A Psychologist can also help you and your child to clarify the reasons behind school refusal and support you to get things back on track.
Contact the Cairnmillar Clinic on (1800 391 393) or request an appointment here Child & Adolescent Counselling – The Cairnmillar Institute.
Click here for more information on Anita Gupta – The Cairnmillar Institute