Why It’s Important to Help Fathers Deal with Childhood Trauma
Father’s Day is approaching and it’s a perfect time to reflect on the unique challenges some dads face—especially those who’ve grown up with a history of abuse or neglect. Parenting is a rewarding but difficult journey for all, yet for dads who carry the weight of past trauma, these challenges can feel particularly daunting.
Imagine growing up in a household where the very people meant to protect you are the ones causing harm. For many, this creates a confusing paradox: it’s dangerous to be close to those you love, but distancing yourself means your needs won’t be met. This complex emotional landscape leaves lasting scars that can resurface when these individuals become parents themselves.
For dads with such backgrounds, the past doesn’t just fade away—it lingers, influencing their reactions and relationships with their own children. They may find themselves on constant high alert, reacting sharply to their kids’ behaviors, or conversely, they may “check out,” struggling to connect emotionally. These responses are deeply ingrained and difficult to control because they’re survival mechanisms developed during unsafe childhoods.
Fatherhood under these conditions requires more than just traditional parenting advice. It calls for tailored support that helps these dads feel safe in their bodies, even in the most challenging parenting moments. This is where innovative approaches like Tuning Relationships with Music® (TRM) come into play.
What is TRM?
It is a research-based form of family counselling that uses music and rhythm to help parents and children build safe, attuned connections. Through musical instruments, families can communicate nonverbally, fostering an environment where safety and emotional connection can flourish.
What are the benefits of TRM?
- Reduces conflict and improves parent-child relationships
- Uses musical exercises that focus on non-verbal, somatic & mindfulness-based skills
- Professionals and families do NOT have to have any musical training to take part or deliver TRM
- Provides Mental Health Professionals a practical intervention for their toolkit
Until a parent feels safe, they cannot create safety for their children. The work we do with TRM helps dads move from a state of high alert to a state of calm, allowing them to connect with their children in a meaningful way.
-Dr. Vivienne Colegrove, a leading expert in trauma-informed therapeutic interventions and a researcher at the Cairnmillar Institute, emphasizes the importance of creating a sense of safety for these fathers.
How can you help?
This Father’s Day let’s recognize the strength of dads who are working hard to overcome their past for the sake of their children’s futures. Let’s support them by raising awareness of the unique help they need and the innovative therapies available to them. You can also help by donating to aid in funding the on-going research at the Cairnmillar Institute, offering new hope for fathers striving to break the cycle of trauma.
About Dr Vivienne Colegrove PhD, MCouRelCouns, PostGradDipFamTher, GradDipMusTher
A family therapist and researcher currently lecturing at Cairnmillar in the Counselling and Psychotherapy degree, and supervision of research students. They have expertise in intervention research.
About The Cairnmillar Institute:
The Cairnmillar Institute (CMI) is a leading not-for-profit centre for psychological services, education, and research. Dedicated to promoting Better Mental Health™, CMI offers a range of high-quality psychology and counselling programmes that focus on evidence-based treatments and education. CMI is committed to making a positive impact on the lives of individuals, families, and communities by providing innovative and accessible mental health care and education. To learn more about The Cairnmillar Institute’s work and how you can support our mission, visit the CMI website.